M Y S T O R Y
"My wish for you is that you feel no need to constrict yourself to make other people comfortable”
- Ta-Nehisicoates
“A WanderLost Life”
“how did you know?” she asked.
“I remembered.”
I was falling, like Alice through the rabbit hole, my life, my view of the life I had always known, tumbling past me, as the world that was once right-side up within me, flipped upside-down. My memory hadn’t betrayed me,
I had been right all along.
As a child, I sensed I made those around me uncomfortable. I had an awareness, an observation of life, that perhaps revealed I knew things that I was too young to know, “wasn’t supposed to know,” or worse, exposed the lives of those around me, and the truths they didn’t want to confront.
This uncomfortableness that I had a tendency to stir up within others was often met with avoidance, causing me to feel ashamed for creating such disturbances.
I just wanted to be liked.
I wanted to be loved.
The fear of losing love was so great that I learned to adapt, trying as best as possible to blend myself away into the nothingness.
I became silent.
♦ Waking up hurts like hell ♦
For me, it was complete disorientation accompanied by dark moments of heart-shattering grief. Everything was as it had always been, but suddenly my perception of it was different. Suddenly, I couldn’t tell you which way was up, or which way was down - what was truth and what had been silenced to appease “the greater good.”
Everything, was being called into question.
I was waking up to the realization that I had accurately remembered past events in my life. Events that I kept silent because I was ashamed, and I had grown to feel insecure within myself because of the dis-ease I sensed I brought to others.
Over time, these events turned into memories that I suppressed, and now, I was remembering.
I was waking up to the remembrance of my truth, realizing that in my becoming silent, I had abandoned myself, and inadvertently relinquished who I was, and all that I was.
In an effort to fit in more comfortably in this world, I’d let go of myself.
And now, I was desperate to find Her.
The Journey
I needed to be “alone in the world” to find a place where I could just be.
A place where I was free to hear myself “speak,” so I could hear her speak. A place where I could be myself, so I could discover who she was, who I was, without all the external, albeit, well-meaning, voices of those around me.
In the summer of 2012, I sold all my belongings and bought a one-way ticket overseas. For the first time in my life, I had no personal connections to guide or influence my decisions. I had no real objective, no solid plan.
I was just there.
Out in the world.
On my own.
In the wanderlost.
In an unknown moment of life where there is no clear path to travel, no solid direction or known purpose for our being.
In a moment where the only way through comes from surrendering to the unknown, learning to trust and allowing life to be our guide.
I spent three months traveling Europe. A bulk of my time spent in London making friends, going to festivals and connecting to a new vision of life, of what my life could be.
“It was like my feet never touched the ground,”
I told my mom, as each person I met, each experience I had guided me on to the next.
“It was like there was this whole other life just waiting for me to show up!”
When I finally came back to the States, it felt as if there was a part of me that was still out there.
A dream,
the vision of who I could become.
The life I could live was still lingering out there waiting to be realized.
I couldn’t let her go.
I returned to London a year later, eventually moving there, going back to school, and becoming an entrepreneur with a small start-up.
The dream continues to evolve, guiding me through the wanderlost moments as they come, and ever closer to myself, on the journey to become.
About
Nicole
Nicole is a creative entrepreneur and "dream embodiment guide," trained in integrative life coaching, empowering women & entrepreneurs to become their dreams realized through her seasonal workshops, 1:1 coaching and small business consulting.
Nicole received her MPA from London Metropolitan University, with an emphasis on community development, strategic planning, and change management. While living overseas Nicole worked alongside one of London’s top business incubators where she established her first business, Oh Gee, Pie!, a start-up baking company selling pies with a purpose!
Since returning to the States, Nicole’s had the opportunity to develop and oversee multiple creative business projects; working alongside fellow entrepreneurs and small business owners to support them through the start-up process with a focus on organizational development, project management and operational organization.
Woven throughout her personal and professional experiences is the undeniable power of spiritual collaboration, of working in tandem with the Creator of the Universe while navigating the “wanderlost,” unknown pathways through life and business. With each new experience deepening the level of trust, acceptance, and ability to become a dream realized!
Ready to start your journey?
let’s connect!
shoot me an email, I’d love to discover where you’re at and explore what working together may look like.